on Fri, 12/12/2014 - 22:21 by Cliff Scott (not verified)
....is not the question. The question is two-fold: are you adding value; is the value you are trying to add offered in a way the client can accept and use?For me the process is not a formula but an art based on my abilities in observation, self-awareness, experience, wisdom and intuition, undefended presence, as well as methodology. Combining all those will facilitate a number of possible dynamics: Clients who are defensive and whom I can help first grapple with that defensiveness through reflection, understanding, acceptance and release. Clients who are curious about and ready for information, perspective, ideas and even guidance. Clients who are somewhere in between, struggling with lack of clarity, feeling torn between competing commitments or demands, needing a partner in exploration; a partner who will foster their own emerging awareness but also point out pitfalls they are missing as well as suggestions for seeing them and learning from them.The key is to check our own assumptions about what is working, continuously. The client will know. It will show in their face, their tone of voice, their body posture and energy...in what they say. Undefended presence is the coach's capacity to hold up for reflection their own assumptions, working biases, and validity of interpretations about the client. Doing that in the moment with clients, in the spirit of partnership and without the need to be right, models the very behavior the clients use to grow themselves. And, in the end, answers the questions we have about whether giving advice or eliciting insight or something in between is actually what is needed at the moment. No dogma. No formula. Just authentic engagement.Once Mark Twain apologized at the end of a long letter, "If I had more time I would have written a shorter letter". In that vain, if I had more time I would have crafted one that would sound less preachy, but this is my learning over the years.Thanks Brian, for sharing your long walk down the coast. Very useful and always timely.Cliff
To advise or not to advise....
....is not the question. The question is two-fold: are you adding value; is the value you are trying to add offered in a way the client can accept and use?For me the process is not a formula but an art based on my abilities in observation, self-awareness, experience, wisdom and intuition, undefended presence, as well as methodology. Combining all those will facilitate a number of possible dynamics: Clients who are defensive and whom I can help first grapple with that defensiveness through reflection, understanding, acceptance and release. Clients who are curious about and ready for information, perspective, ideas and even guidance. Clients who are somewhere in between, struggling with lack of clarity, feeling torn between competing commitments or demands, needing a partner in exploration; a partner who will foster their own emerging awareness but also point out pitfalls they are missing as well as suggestions for seeing them and learning from them.The key is to check our own assumptions about what is working, continuously. The client will know. It will show in their face, their tone of voice, their body posture and energy...in what they say. Undefended presence is the coach's capacity to hold up for reflection their own assumptions, working biases, and validity of interpretations about the client. Doing that in the moment with clients, in the spirit of partnership and without the need to be right, models the very behavior the clients use to grow themselves. And, in the end, answers the questions we have about whether giving advice or eliciting insight or something in between is actually what is needed at the moment. No dogma. No formula. Just authentic engagement.Once Mark Twain apologized at the end of a long letter, "If I had more time I would have written a shorter letter". In that vain, if I had more time I would have crafted one that would sound less preachy, but this is my learning over the years.Thanks Brian, for sharing your long walk down the coast. Very useful and always timely.Cliff